She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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