I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
