just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
