how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
