My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
