Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My bed smells like the plague
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize