i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
