I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
