Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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