Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
