I have demons in me.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
