I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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