i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
