i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
