I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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