rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
