You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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