True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
