Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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