so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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