last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
