If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
