Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
