True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He better not be in your backpack
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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