She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize