i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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