my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize