So drunk, too bad you don't want this
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
