6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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