It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
