Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize