Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
