we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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