this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
