Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
