thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
