Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You ruined the universe
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize