I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
