My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
