I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
