Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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