So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
