Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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