I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize