yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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