break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
