I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
