Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
