so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
