...so i touched it.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My life is pants optional.
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