I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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