last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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