She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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