If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
