i just google imaged poop.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
