Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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