just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
