i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
