She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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