you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
