I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize