i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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