spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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